It's the weekend, and that's a good time for a completely useless post. Here are some extreme scenarios that came to me as I wasted my Sunday afternoon trying to come up with real articles. So here they are, in countdown form just because it seems cooler:
10. After failing to hustle in 2008, BJ Upton becomes even worse in 2009, opting to walk around the bases after his first few HR. Instead of benching him, Joe Maddon makes him the bat boy for the rest of the year.
9. All MLB managers finally realize how overvalued saves and closers are, and every team goes to bullpen by committee. Fantasy teams who went closer-heavy in the early rounds cry for weeks.
8. The Pittsburgh Pirates decide that they're sick of losing and start playing full-contact baseball. Tag-outs become diving tackles, and every player sharpens their spikes. TV network executives decide they like it and persuade umpires to stop ejecting the Pirates players. They take the World Series title due to every other team forfeiting.
7. In a league-wide conspiracy, MLB teams sign all the out-of-work steroid users, including Clemens, Bonds, and McGwire. Every time one of them comes to bat, they're beaned in their injection sites, causing internal damage. Jose Canseco complains that he's not being included, so he's beaned in the head, which puts him in a coma.
6. ESPN admits that adding Steve Phillips to a broadcast that already includes Joe Morgan is to much baseball ignorance for television and sends both packing. They hire people who don't discuss touch, heart and feel when discussing baseball.
5. Realizing that no matter what rules you add to try and make the All Star game mean something it never will. They then remove the home field in the World Series rule and let the game just be for entertainment.
4. After a slow start for the Yankees, Hank Steinbrenner trades 40 million dollars for the entire Florida Marlins roster. They then drop almost everyone besides the pitchers, Hanley Ramirez and Cameron Maybin.
3. Carl Pavano and Mike Hampton total 300 IP this season and battle for the comeback player of the year award. When Hampton wins the award though he breaks 3 bones accepting the award and Pavano strains several muscles watching on TV.
2. Instead of one-game tiebreakers for a playoff slot, the teams have to play Manatee Community College. As the Pirates can tell you, it's no easy task. If MCC wins against both teams, they get the playoff berth instead.
And finally, the #1 scenario that I'd love to see but will never happen.
1. Albert Pujols starts having elbow issues during the season, but before he can go in for surgery, he takes a nasty fall a la Rookie of the Year, resulting in amazing arm strength. Now not only is he a top 1B, he becomes the first 10-category contributor in Roto history.
